i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
