In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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