Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.