She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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