some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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