one two three fourrrrnication!
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
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I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick