Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
