either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
operation have a gay friend backfired
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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