either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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