that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
