don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
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I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
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Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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