he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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