hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I would ride that face into the sunset
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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