Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize