I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
