nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
