OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
