i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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