He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
