he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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