I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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