u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
