dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
