i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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