margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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