too bad you live with your parents still
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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