I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
