dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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