I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
