My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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