is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
