i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
