stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.