So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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