decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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