my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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