guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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