Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
