i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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