she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
