His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
