a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He shit in the fireplace
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
