grandma shit on top of the toilet
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
