I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
