Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
