she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
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sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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