Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
