Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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