She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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