There is no way he is gay with that hair.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Boobs speak an international language.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
