We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
