ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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