I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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