he wants to bone in the snuggie
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
