I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize