now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
