I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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