He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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