I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
