So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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