These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
