Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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