I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
