Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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