also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
