I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
