he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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